iMarkcomm’s Weblog

When I was a teenager, I lived for those Cosmo quizzes that were published in almost every edition. What Kind Of Lover Are You? Are You A Commitment-Phobe? How Do You Bring Sexy Back? Now as I sit in front of my computer and Twitter this and that, check out my new followers and discover cool new Tweeters, I find my mind drifting back to those seemingly useless quizzes. If I were to create a Twitter personality quiz, I would of course follow the Cosmo formula.

First, there is the cutesy but descriptive title. Next, I would conjure up a somewhat typical scenario then follow the setup by offering three different responses from which the test taker can choose based on what answer is closest to their predicted response. Then I would repeat this formula nine more times. I would assign points to each letter and ask that the test taker add up all of their points to find out which Twitter personality has been assigned to them. For example:

What Twitter Type Are You?

You just logged into Twitter and found that you have 45 new followers. Do you

(A)   Automatically return follow every new follower and then DM each one!

(B)   Take a quick look at your new followers’ profiles and then return follow the ones that seem interesting.

(C)   Ignore them. You get followed – You are not a follower.

I would repeat the same question but in a different manner nine more times. Any experienced Cosmo quiz taker, however, knows that in the end we will just pick B anyway because B’s always are always assigned the best personality type. So let’s just skip to the part where we choose the middle and you are told how wonderful you are because you are fun and exciting yet you are balanced so you do everything in moderation. Here it is:

Total Points 13-29  Sociable and Appealing

You have an active and sociable Twitter presence. You are selective in the company that you keep but that is not necessarily a bad thing. In fact by choosing who you follow, you are able to establish valuable contacts, share and learn important or interesting facts, tidbits, and news that is in your specific field or areas of interests. By tweeting actively but also in moderation you do not detract from your more informative and remarkable tweets by sandwiching them in between more mundane observations. You also do not run the risk of boring people into unfollowing you. Keep up the good work and find me at twitter.com/iMarkcomm! I will definitely want to follow you back.

So now that you have read all about how great of a Twitterer you are, let’s see what those other Twitter types are up to – just for fun of course:

Total Points 30-42 The Jack Russell Terrier of the Twitterverse

You are super sociable and incredibly polite. You follow everyone who follows you because it would be unsociable not to and you like to encourage people to follow you. Obviously your encouragement is working because your Twitter following seems to be on track to rival Ashton Kutcher. Sometimes you need to sift through the junky tweets to find some gold and perhaps you have the habit of giving out a little TMI but it is worth it to keep everyone updated on your what and whereabouts. Sure some people may make jokes about tweeting what you had for breakfast but they wouldn’t be laughing if they had a peanut allergy and you indulged in PB & J this AM.

Total Points 1-12 The Guy Who Doesn’t Get It

You are a narcissistic jerk and it shows in your tweets. You use all 140 characters every tweet and your tweets are always centred around your business and (your own) money making opportunities. You are exasperated by how many spam followers you have and that your followership is not growing at a fast enough rate. Your followers come and go yet you yourself follow zero people. After all, the only interesting Tweets on Twitter are RT’s of your tweets. Why are all the stupid so called social media experts touting Twitter as the next big marketing tool anyway? Gawh. Stupid.

So there it is the formula and results for my made up Cosmo-like Twitter personality quiz. Of course, as the disclaimer goes, the results are not actually scientific and are purely for entertainment purposes….but we know I am right, right?